Reviews Nebelhexë Essensual

Nebelhexë

Essensual

For those who find Evanescence’s Amy Lee too goth and Sarah Brightman not quite goth enough, we have Norway’s Andrea Haugen a.k.a. Nebelhexë. Now, “Neb,” as we’ll call her, is, according to her bio, “a warrior with never-fading energy and she fights with passion for individual and spiritual freedom; animal rights, awareness for ecological food, recognition for ancient goddess worship and feminine mysteries... "

I don’t know about you folks, but if I had read that before hearing the music, it would have sent any and all objectivity dissipating into the ether. But as it happens, I heard the album beforehand and I can say with the utmost honesty and sincerity that any preconceived notions that bit ‘o bio could give would be right on the money.

Think it would sound like some hippie girl singing for change in an all-but-abandoned bus station? Bingo.

What about those of you that are phantom smelling the pungent aromas of incense and patchouli while imagining the sounds of background music at a Wiccan book club meeting? Very astute, sir or madam.

This is for those who like to explore their dark side by wearing black Birkenstocks. It’s funny - this Neb chick has loads of tattoos, piercings, jet-black hair, and is wearing a pentagram. It all sounds very promising, doesn’t it? Hoping for an Angela Gossow or at the very least an Otep Shamaya-type thing, no? Then you put in the album and she sounds like Lisa Kudrow on an episode of Friends trying to recreate Danzig songs on a Casio keyboard. Well, I got news for you lady, it’s already been done…by Danzig on Blackacidevil. Nyuk nyuk. All kidding aside, this album just isn’t very good. I mean for Christ’s sake - you’re from Norway, lady. How about acting like it.

Interestingly/sadly enough, this album is out on Candlelight Records who, granted, aren’t quite as edgy as they once were, but this release is almost credibility damage-worthy. I can barely even bring myself to reprint the name. Essensual. Jesus. Sounds like a Christina Aguilera greatest hits title.

Maybe I’m being too harsh. Maybe there’s a secret underground network of undercover druids that surface above ground every autumnal equinox just to drop a few shekels at Ye Olde Virgin Megastore. If that’s the case, I humbly apologize. Rock on. I’ll see you at Stonehenge.

3.1 / 10Kevin Fitzpatrick
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3.1 / 10

3.1 / 10

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