Disclaimer: Don't read this review if you are offended by four letter words and genital slang. Thank you.
Some bands strive to enlighten their listeners with intelligent, philosophical lyrics. Other groups promote vegetarianism, veganism, or the straight edge lifestyle through their music. Then there's Johnny Vomit: five guys dedicated to getting sloshed and playing music. After looking over their album art and lyrics insert -complete with topless strippers posing with the band on every other page - I had a general vibe about Johnny Vomit. I really expected this to be a joke band. A banner on their website for their most recent album, Extreme Championship Drinking, reads: "An album so depraved, it took 20 years to make." I truly hope this record did not take a score of years to complete, because it's no tour de force.
It only takes one look at the song titles on Extreme Championship Drinking to you know what you're getting into. I couldn't believe I was listening to songs entitled "Rock "n' Roll Pussy Hole," "Tuna Taco," "Fuck," "Beer Bong Barf Bag," and "What the Fuck." Seriously, guys, what the fuck? The middle school humor deep down inside of me stirred for a few moments, but I then realized I was laughing at the meaninglessness of the lyrics.
"Rock "n' Roll Pussy Hole" offers a few thought provoking lines about women (I'm typing them as I see them):
You come to see rock and roll / And spread apart your pussy hole / You're the biggest slut in the land / When you party with the band / Rock and roll / Lick my balls / Wipe my ass / Make me food / Pass out nude / When you watch MTV / Fall Out Boy makes you cream / You're so fucking dumb / You're stomachs full of cum
I'd also like to take a look at the lyrics in the song "Fuck," a song about, you guessed it, lovemaking:
I want to fuck but I'm not in love / I'll be ok in an hour or so / So come on baby and give me a blow / So come with me and fuck me / I wanna fuck but I'm not in love / I want to smell your juicy slit / So come on baby and suck my dick / I wanna push it in and out / And shoot my load in your mouth / So come with me and fuck me / I wanna fuck but I'm too fucking drunk / FUCK!
Maybe one needs to be seriously inebriated to enjoy Johnny Vomit. I should've written this as a multiple review - one sober, one completely tanked. I'm convinced my score wouldn't change. If Johnny Vomit's aim is to be a joke band, they should try some witty humor. Bill, Roman, Eric, Scott and John, if it's true "[you]'d rather drink than fuck" (see Bonus Track #1), get yourselves to an AA meeting.
