Features Music 2005: A Year In Review

Music: 2005: A Year In Review

1. "That's hot".

There is nothing worse than hanging out at a party where everyone is a Paris Hilton wannabe. Face it, Paris Hilton is famous for being famous and nothing else. She's a dirty little whore who sucks a mean dick. There's nothing worse than hearing trendy girls in Kelly green tank tops saying, "that's hot" to everything and anything.

2. "These new jacks don't know anything about hardcore..."

Everyone seems to be down with the old school even though they are 19. Let me give you a clue, I'm 31 you are all new jacks. You may have CDR's of Lifetime and 108 CDs but to me you're all new jacks. Stop rehashing a past you never belonged to in the first place. Here's a clue, everyone into hardcore wasn't born with a Sick of it All 7" sticking out of your ass so quit looking for it and pull your heads out your collective rear ends.

3. "Chillax".

A combo of "chill" and "relax". I'm not really sure where this originated from but I'm blaming the O.C. I've never even seen the O.C. but I can tell you I hate it already. I also hate anyone that would want to combine two words the pretty much mean the same thing.

4. Anyone quoting anything from the Chappelle Show that wasn't on the Chappelle Show.

Hey, frat boy with the pink polo with the collar popped: you and your drunken ass will never be Dave Chappelle. Running jokes into the ground is about as fun to listening as dealing with a bout of bird flu contracted by a herpes infected bar slut that has a pair of "that's hot" boy shorts. So go fuck your own couch.

5. The word "amazing".

Not every band you hear, see, or witness is amazing. To be amazed by something means you are in a total state of awe and bemusement. If you are amazed by everything you see it would be like seeing your wife gives birth to your first child a billion times a year. That's something amazing. OR seeing a head-on collision between a Geo Metro and a tractor trailer and everyone walking away without a scratch is amazing. Seeing Modern Life is War for the 10th time isn't amazing. It may be good, hell it may be darn right memorable. However, it is far flung from anything that is amazing.

- Jason

1. "George Bush Doesn't Care About Black People"

Natural disasters occurred all across the globe in 2005, but none was more widely televised than the events leading up to and following Hurricane Katrina. The powerful storm scored a direct hit on the city of New Orleans, leaving it in ruins. But it wasn't just the destruction caused by the hurricane that was making headlines. During a fundraiser on NBC to raise money for relief efforts, rapper/producer Kanye West spoke loud and clear on why he felt disaster assistance was lagging. Rather than place blame solely on F.E.M.A., West declared the help was sluggish because "George Bush doesn't care about black people." The shocked look on a dumbfounded Mike Myers said it all.

2. The Return of Family Guy

Televisions shows get cancelled all the time. But 2005 was a unique year as we saw Family Guy returned from multiple cancellations thanks to millions upon millions of sales in DVD's. It was the first time a show had been resurrected in such a manner. However, trusting in Fox to keep the resurrected Family Guy on the air may not be the best thing to do. Recently the head honchos at the Fox chose to cancel the Emmy-winning Arrested Development. And the best part is that there was no legitimate reason given, so we are left to assume it's because they're morons. Keep those fingers crossed.

3. Rockstar INXS

For the most part reality shows are a joke. Sure there are a few diamonds in the rough, "The Amazing Race" for example, but the vast majority of them are ridiculous: "The Bachelor," "Wifeswap," and so on. "American Idol" is even remotely entertaining - mainly the initial auditions when we get to watch the people that don't know they can't sing. CBS tweaked the idea by having contestants try out for the vacant vocal spot of legendary pop/rock group INXS. I was skeptical of the idea at first, but after one episode I was hooked. These were talented vocalists competing for a spot with group of proven musicians. It truly was a treat to watch the likes of Ty, JD, and Marty, among others, perform classic and modern songs as well as their own selections. Should be interesting to see if the second season happens, though I am bummed that Van Halen won't be involved.

4. "Lazy Sunday" SNL Skit

Saturday Night Live has been in little bit of a funk in recent years. Though, admittedly, I haven't really watched consistently since Will Ferrell left, so my opinion gets labeled with an asterisk. But, after catching a recent airing and witnessing the "Lazy Sunday" skit in which seasoned veteran Chris Parnell and new cast member Andy Samburg of The Lonely Island Comedy Troupe rhyme about their adventures as they go to see the Chronicles of Narnia, my faith was rejuvenated. The rhymes they spit are hilarious, but don't let this take away from the music - any fan of early Beasties and the like will eat the song up. And if for some reason you've been living under a rock and have no idea what I am talking about, you can watch the skit here.

5. Lost

Technically this could have been listed as a 2004 highlight, but since the later episodes of season one aired in 2005, not to mention the beginning of season two, it gets the nod for the number five spot. While the general concept isn't anything new or thrilling - people lost on an island - everything about this show is intriguing and keeps you on the edge of ones seat for each episode. Where I feel the true genius of the show lies is in the character development - learning about a different character weekly, but only learning enough to drive your imagination crazy. If the remaining episodes of season two continues on in the same fashion of season one, this season finale is going to phenomenal.

- Michael

1. Downfall

A brilliant piece of cinema. The story of Hitler's last days in his bunker in Berlin told in a humanising light. Bruno Ganz becomes the first actor to play Hitler in a German language movie as the leading role in such a way that you feel almost pity for a man normally described as "Pure Evil" as everything goes to pot around him. The film is amazingly shot, and so well acted that at times you feel like you are actually in the increasingly frought and panic striken bunker.

2. Sideways

The best buddy movie/Road trip that I've seen in a long time. The 2 main characters are brought to life so well by Paul Giamatti and Thomas Hayden Church, who both produce perfromaces so full of life and character that it makes you want to go on a vineyard crawl with your uptight and nuerotic buddy.

3. DIG!

Maybe it paints The Brian Jonestown Massacre in a bad light, and maybe it makes the Dandy Warhols look like a bunch of posuer cunts. Who cares though? This documentry has to be one of the best band based docs I've seen in a long long time. Watching the BJM implode time after time as the Dandys stumble from good luck to good luck shouldn't be entertaining, but with the people involved it becomes almost impossible not to be drawn in.

4. Batman Begins

Christian Bale IS Batman. Not only did he nail the Batman look so easily but he brought more to the Bruce Wayne side than anyone since Michael Keaton. The 2 villains didn't get all the screentime like past Batman movies and my God it was fun.

5. The Descent

The UK has had a long tradition of horror movies dating back to the Hammer days. Luckily things have improved since the days of Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee's inspired madness and high campness. The Descent is tight, claustraphobic sort of horror movie that plays on the setting so well. Only let down by what can only be described as a shite ending this movie has to be one of the best British movies for quite some time.

* Released in the UK in 2005

- Peanut

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Words by the SPB team on Oct. 16, 2010, 11:05 a.m.

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