Top 5 Worst Things About 2006
by Giles
5. Panic! At the Disco's problems with grammar
See, this is what happens when you spend your final year of high school dicking around with a synthesizer instead of paying attention in English class. You end up sticking an exclamation mark in the middle of your name because you think it looks cool. And you reference Pahlaniuk because he's wayyy edgy. And you forget necessary commas in your song titles because, presumably, you're a fucking moron.
4. Panic! At the Disco's music videos
When I'm enjoying the MuchMusic countdown, the last thing I want is to be interrupted by a clown wedding. Somehow, P!ATD's videos manage to be as obnoxiously retarded as the songs themselves. That's saying something. And that one part where the whorish bride makes out with a clown and gets makeup all over her face? That's gross, man. It's gross.
3. Panic! At the Disco's lead singer
This kid is probably responsible for everything else on this list. So we can practically deduce that he's an ignorant, pretentious, untalented jerk who's at the helm of an "emo" revolution. Not unlike Hitler. Just look at him, with his perfect hair, and his smirk that says, "I'm younger than you, I'm rich as hell, and I'm getting away with this." Seriously, there is no god.
2. Panic! At the Disco's popularity
I do my best to never judge someone based on the bands they like. Before this year, this seemed like a pretty good policy. But no-one could possibly be expected to maintain any level of respect a P!ATD fan. Are these kids high? Is fake sexuality that appealing? Does this band's nonsense lyricism sound good if you're fifteen? The answer to all of these questions is "apparently". Worst of all, these impressionable young cokeheads are going to rule the earth someday. That's a genuine, keep-you-up-at-night problem.
