Review
Heavens
Patent Pending

Epitaph (2006) Scottie

Heavens – Patent Pending cover artwork
Heavens – Patent Pending — Epitaph, 2006

Imagine the following scenario:

After getting out of work, undoubtedly somewhere shitty such as an office position or a retail job at the mall that, despite the "amazing" discount you claim to get, sucks beyond human comprehension, you arrive at the club that resides just out of the heart of the city closest to you. You hand your ticket to the cute girl working the booth and wonder why people like you, who might not be the most attractive yet are genuinely interesting, never get girls like that. You write the whole thing off with the excuse that she must be shallow and head into stage area of the club.

The mix of the crowd is just as you suspected, minus the fact there are more underage kids than one would expect for a show with a 9:00 PM door time on a weeknight. The rest of crowd, those legally allowed to drink, are dawned in their best "dressed to get noticed" ensembles, holding their vodka-tonics while making small talk with friends they actually despise, but lack the confidence to disassociate themselves from. Oh yes, something we are all familiar with: another show with a band that, above anything else, is built on the hype of members' previous projects.

Flash forward to the headlining act. The lights go down and the band takes the stage as the crowd cheers with a genuine excitement. The older crowd is trying their hardest to fight back the feeling of elation - proving the extent of their jadedness - while scoffing at the younger kids who, not yet downtrodden by the banalities of everyday life, have been dancing to their heart's content. The band, for the most part, kicks ass but you can't help but wince and feel sorry for poor Josiah Steinbrick. Before they play a note, you start to wonder if he's thinking the same you are.

They aren't cheering for Josiah; Skiba is the man they came to see. And, essentially, you're right; as Josiah and the accompanying, unnamed band provides the instrumentation for tonight's performance, Mr. Skiba does just as one would expect him to, belting out macabre lyrics while being the most powerful presence on stage thus commandeering all the attention that should be directed elsewhere. Starting with the more upbeat dance songs, the energy is consistent before breaking stride with the disc's moodier, and ultimately, duller songs. The banter between songs is limited, but still coming from only Skiba. Quietly, on the side of the stage, Steinbrick remains humbles and takes his joy privately, just happy to recreate his songs for a live audience.

The band plays a solid set. The bass is just as haunting as it sounds on disc and presented live, the guitars give off more of that dark British sound that is captured and channeled so well on Patent Pending. It's not one for the books, but a good show all around and, as you leave the venue with your friends, you cannot help but hear everyone praise Skiba's musical genius. Finally all those notions you had while listening to Patent Pending culminate into something you couldn't quite put your finger on until seeing the band live. The only problem with Heavens is that its weakest element is getting all the credit. This is no way an attack on Mr. Skiba either; it's just that the poorest part of the album is both his lyrical work and vocal delivery.

Sure we all love the dark imagery he conjures up, especially the fixation on sharp objects - this album makes reference to knives, scissors AND guillotines - and premature death, but one can only handle so much. If anything it sounds like it came from a notebook of throwaway Alkaline Trio lyrics; would you really expect him to ever write a song about cell phones on a proper release? If this had been a solo release of his then the sub par content and reused vocal melodies would be acceptable but when placed against these gems composed by Steinbrick, "half-assed" is the only term that comes to mind.

Nice job Josiah, but next time keep your projects to yourself. You never know who will end up getting most of the credit for it.

6.5 / 10Scottie • September 14, 2006

Heavens – Patent Pending cover artwork
Heavens – Patent Pending — Epitaph, 2006

Related features

Heavens

Interviews

Related news

Heavens Working On New Album

Posted in Bands on September 30, 2008

Stream Entire Heavens Album

Posted in MP3s on September 8, 2006

Heavens Post New Song Online

Posted in MP3s on August 10, 2006

Recently-posted album reviews

Prayer Group

Strawberry
Reptilian Records (2025)

Standing between genres can act as a vantage point. For Prayer Group, sitting at the intersection between noise rock and hardcore has armed them with the necessary arsenal to propel their anger and frustration forward. And so, through a series of EPs and singles, this work culminated in their 2022 debut full-length, Michael Dose, where The Jesus Lizard methodology collided … Read more

The Goslings

Plexuses, Planes
Independent (2025)

For experimental rock artists torn between noise-rock abrasion and torturous drone immersion, one side usually wins. It is either a certain sentimental and ethereal quality or an oppressive noise dimension that prevails. But there are some acts that can balance between these worlds. Names like The Angelic Process, and of course Low exemplify this strange balance in different ways. A … Read more

Bee Bee Sea

Stanzini Can Be Allright
Wild Honey Records (2025)

I believe the first I heard of this album was when Wild Honey released the limited edition It’s All About The Music concept 7” EP back in July. Exclusively released for the Punk Rock Raduno festival, IAATM is a three song 7” but only sort of? The concept: one garage-rock anthem, three versions- one is slowed down, one is regular … Read more