Gay for Johnny Depp

In theory alone, I should love this album. Gay for Johnny Depp is a homosexual band. Great, I love homosexuals in bands. They sing about filthy gay sex. Great, I love filthy gay sex. They play cum rocking screamo hardcore. Great, I love screamo and hardcore. They love Johnny Depp. Great, I think Johnny Depp is an okay actor.

Theory is just that, purely theory. Reality eventually creeps the fuck up in you like a ridiculously large-sized black penis you find attached to a man named Leroy in your local park's darkest bushes. In theory, it's going to be fun and something to brag about later. In reality though, having your anus stretched beyond the width of your average toilet seat is not so appealing.

Gay for Johnny Depp essentially has one trick and they ride it pretty hard over the course of this 14-minute EP. Part dirty full-steam-ahead rock, part spastic screamo, it owes a great debt to the San Diego scene, particularly Swing Kids and Antioch Arrows. The more fashion concise members of The Blood Brothers fanbase would undoubtedly gain erections over this if their tight fitting jeans didn't prevent the necessary blood flow.

Gay for Johnny Depp makes a reasonable showing of it though. Their rhythms are frantic, the tunes are catchy, certain parts will make you shake that pointy finger, and sure, some of their lyrics are pretty filthy. But, it just so happens I've heard bands that beat Gay for Johnny Depp at each of these things. Maybe I expected too much? Perhaps, but how can you not have unreasonably high expectations for a band that calls their record Blood: The Natural Lubricant (An Apocalyptic Adventure Beyond Sodom and Gomorrah)?!

One thing I feel obligated to say is that Gay for Johnny Depp are not the first ever 'homocore' band. Christ, Cargo, do some research. If anyone is at all interested in this band, but perhaps wants something with sweatier, dirtier, lower slung balls, then might I recommend you hunt down the Limp Wrist discography. God, those fags could rock.

5.7 / 10 — Neil