Static Radio (NJ)

Here's another band that's right up my alley. I know.. I love fellow SPB writer Zach and how he pigeonholes himself with review after review of singer-songwriter types that used be in punk rock type bands - and those bands usually have beards. Nice well groomed beards of awe and lore. I have a beard. One time I was sitting on a bench waiting to catch a bus after getting some CD's from Cheapos in St. Paul and this carload of drunk St. Thomas college girls yelled with great enthusiasm, "GREAT BEARD!" Which, at first, I mistook as "ICE BEER!" I thought this was a reasonable assumption with them being three sheets to the wind and all on a late Saturday afternoon. I don't take compliments well, almost to the point where I think random sorority girls would yell odd things about Bud Light and its current temperature.

Don't worry, I'm going somewhere with this. At least I think I am.

Anyhow, three out of the four members of Static Radio (NJ) do not have man growth streaming from their faces so they aren't exactly a beard-core band. They do sport some tats and beer in hand members so they aren't exactly a happy go lucky positive melodic hardcore band either. They do however lie somewhere between the gruff woe is me melancholy of The Loved Ones crossed with the upbeat fast hammering of Lifetime. So, anyone that knows me knows that I already have a little man crush on this band. They play the music I like: speedy, catchy hardcore with some good ole booze influenced bar punk shenanigans thrown in.

I think people with beards would like this band. You know the type. Goddammit, I am the type. We like our punk rock with more hooks than a Hormel plant. We are the grizzled veterans of the punk rock war so we can empathize with the lyrics of broken hearts, dreams, and friendships that are the basic themes of the thirteen tracks on An Evening of Bad Decisions.... We all have the scars inside and out, so let's belly up to the bar raise our glasses and sing along.

In retrospect, I wish those St. Thomas beer guzzling floozies would have turned around their parent-bought Acura and asked me for a ride to some god awful brah bar like Tiffany's. I'd try to make my best jokes without super offending anyone (which after my third Greyhound I probably would anyhow). I'd get the number of the cute chubby one and we'd start dating because even though she's only twenty-two, she has some daddy issues and I live like a seventeen year old. We would alienate our friends. We'd break up over something stupid. However, she would probably listen to the mix CD's I'd make her containing songs by Lifetime, The Loved Ones, various bearded bands, and Static Radio (NJ). A tear would flow down her cheek as she wished I'd call even though her friends told her that I'm a loser. And her friends are probably right. That's how I leave them; pitied by friends and regrettable.

An Evening of Bad Decisions... is the soundtrack for just that. It's for those heart-wrenching missteps and miscues we all take in this rocky road we like to call life. Bands like Static Radio (NJ) have been the bands that have sang the songs of my life every since I heard Dave Smalley bellow, "I heard this! And I heard that!" while fronting Dag Nasty. These damn melodic hardcore bands are the fuel for my life. They are the ink to the pen that writes all the stories. Is it no wonder I can never get enough of these types of bands? If my mailbox was filled every month with bands like Static Radio (NJ) I'd probably be more willing to leave the apartment just so I can have more songs for mistakes I'll learn to chalk to experience and learn that regret eventually fades.

8.9 / 10 — Jason