I know we don't usually review websites here at Scene Point Blank, but we just couldn't help ourselves after our editor in chief Loren received the following request:
Hi, I'm Pheiné, contributor to a site called catholicdatingsites.net--the only site exclusively dedicated to providing Catholic singles with helpful information for safe online dating. I'd like to ask if you'd review catholicdatingsites.net, and if you agree that it's a valuable resource, perhaps consider adding a link to it from your site http://www.scenepointblank.com/reviews/lamb-of-god/wrath? Catholicdatingsites.net offers tips for online dating safety, as well as steps you can take to protect yourself from financial and physical victimization, and more general information about selecting the best Catholic dating sites for you. Thanks for your time and consideration, Pheiné
Now I knew from the get-go that Pheiné had heard of our website's heavy Catholic leanings--we here at Scene Point Blank have been known to throw a pretty wild Eucharist. The link she provided, our review of a groove metal band known for their frequent anti-religious subversion of Biblical metaphor, let me know that she had definitely made a laboured, exhaustive look at our site lasting at least half a second before deciding we were the right venue for her. And we certainly aren't ones to turn down a friendly Catholic-to-Catholic request (especially once the blood of Christ starts flowing, if you know what we mean)! Catholic Dating Sites promises to be helpful if, like many of us, you're part of the criminally under-served white Christian demographic. The site features not only dating site listings and rankings, but also helpful articles like "Where to Find Free Catholic Dating Sites with Coupons", "What to Look For in Catholics Singles Dating Coupons & Deals", and even a "Coupon of the Month" function (that I had to disable my ad blocker to see). Our personal favourite, the "Top 100 Date Movies for Catholic Singles", is a modern, yet sensible, selection of movies for the erudite, single Catholic, ranging all the way from romantic comedies about dating to romantic comedies about marriage. It features many enjoyable, high-brow film choices that clearly promote Catholic values, such as prostitution (no. 4, Pretty Woman), sexual promiscuity (no. 7, Sex and the City), and jilting your husband at the altar (no. 8, Runaway Bride).
You might be wondering, "Golly, this sounds great to me! But being the upper-middle class white-collar worker that I am, I can barely afford to pay for both of my new SUVs and a dating site subscription! Can Catholic Dating Sites help me out?" Don't worry; we've all been there! Who among us hasn't had a hard time finding extra money in between the cases of Greek yogurt and daily Starbucks runs? The good news is: Catholic Dating Sites does offer some helpful, money-saving advice. For example, Catholic Dating Sites suggests that, "Once you see if the site works for you, you can search out a coupon or promotional code for this particular Catholic dating site and make the most of the limited time you’ll have to interact with other Catholics looking for company." That's right--you can save money by simply finding the love of your life within a limited trial period! All right, you've got your website chosen, your account set up, and twenty-eight days left on your free subscription--where do you go now? Why, attracting that dream guy, of course! Catholic Dating Sites offers many suggestions for custom-tailoring your profile to attracting the perfect mate, such as "you should have a quirky screenname that helps you stand out without divulging your first or last name." This is incredibly sound advice--screennames can be a fun way to express yourself, and nothing expresses your individuality more than a name like 'ShlongLord' or 'prays4pen15'. We here at Scene Point Blank are all about promoting Internet safety through anonymity. That's why we all use names chosen at random from Biblical genealogies. (Fun fact: The real name of "Matt", our site designer, is actually a Lovecraftian amalgamation of random consonants and apostrophes.) In short, Catholic Dating Sites is just about the most useful resource any single Catholic could ask for. Filled with helpful, common-sense tips and useful dating site reviews, Catholic Dating Sites has been, literally, a godsend. So go try it out and start dating, all of you lonely Catholics! As is our motto, Deus vult! Hardc0r3Jezus is waiting for you.