Reviews Across Five Aprils Collapse

Across Five Aprils


December 14, 1999: Poison the Well's Opposite of December was re-released and marked the end of metallic hardcore as everyone before it. Before "Nerdy" made all the mixtapes there was a quite of few metallic edged hardcore bands like Cleveland's apocalyptic Integrity, San Diego's depressive Unbroken, and Vegan Militants Earth Crisis whom all played palmed muted e-chord chugga chugga until their fingers bleed. The hardcore community as a whole accepted a tinge of metal in their hardcore because these bands were heavy without being metal and their girlfriends still didn't care for it. However, once girls mentioned they liked the singing parts on Opposite of December it was all over for metallic hardcore.

Metallic hardcore warped into the monster known as metalcore and the Slayer Line (the Slayer Line for the uninformed is the line where a band crosses from being a hardcore band to a metal band) was even more blurred as band after band dyed their swoop haircuts black, learned to like Swedish Death Metal, and sing about their hearts being broken. And boy howdy did they sing, every band from A Static Lullaby to Bleeding Through, to Killswitch Engage all had singing parts in their metal onslaught. You can't swing a dead emo kid these days without hitting a bunch whiny shotgun plastered home hair stylists bemoaning the fact the girl in chemistry wouldn't go the big From First to Last show with them.

Across the Five Aprils is just another band in a long trek of bands that listened to too much Opposite of December and not enough Humanity is the Devil. Everything is completely and utterly formulaic on Collapse straight down to the cheesy mosh parts to the token sung parts. Every song on Collapse is about some girl that is either a slut in their eyes, doesn't like them, or probably dumped them for being a shrill over-protective jerk of a boyfriend. I don't know how much more forced rhyming I can take. Christ, they just rhymed "pretty" with "pity". I also don't want to hear another song in my lifetime where a dejected singer croons about how someone looks in their bed unless their name is Aaron Neville or Barry fucking White.

Who listens this garbage? I want to go to their houses door by door and smack them. It's time for metalcore to go the way of the ska and two-step its way off the planet. I can't live through another review of yet another band singing about their ex-girlfriends over ultra-dramatic melodic buildups that break into jud jud parts and then back again. I can't take it anymore. I don't want to hear anymore sweet Cradle of Filth riffing. It's over people. Move on, stop pissing and moaning about your ex-girlfriends. Stop talking about murders you aren't ever going to commit. Stop the mosh. Stop the singing. Stop everything. I wish I could go back in time and stop Poison the Well from ever making Opposite of December should I wouldn't have to endure this cavalcade of shit they spawned.

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