I guess I'm one of the few people in the world that don't really like Coheed and Cambria. Sorry. But here's to all those that are with me in saying that Coheed and Cambria are overrated.
The first track starts exactly like JR Ewing's song Graduation Day, but with a different ring of the phone, and when the phone is picked up, the band plays a concerto instead of rocking out. WEAK.
The vocals sound like that of Alien Ant Farm.
The lyrics suck. Not as bad as Mars Volta, though.
The melodies are kind of weak. I'd like to hear faster guitar playing. Where are the Eddie Vedder's and Stevie Vai's of today?! Jeez, someone show this band the movie "Crossroads." Ax battles must be had!
The second song lasts eight and a quarter minutes. WAY too long for bad melodies.
They take their time getting to the good parts, but the good parts aren't that good.
Well, let me be a bit more specific in what I don't like about C&C. I'm not a fan of "melodic hardcore," or whatever it's called. I've been out of the scene for a few weeks now, because I lost faith in music after I listened to this album, so the "genre" given to C&C has probably changed what, four, five times? Either way, Thursday is as close to the genre as I'll ever get and I'm still not that big a fan of them. I do like the title of their new album though.
In any case, this album isn't as bad as I'm making it out to be. The overall camber of the album isn't all too bad. There are parts where the band DOES rock out and when C&C rocks out it's not half bad.
Then there's the atrocious screaming . . . Thursday's been there and done much better than that.
Sorry, back to the positives.
Each song lasts too long. For what this band plays, four minutes should be the drop off point, but each song, without exception, is longer than that.
I really can't stay positive on this album.
Apologies, my friends.
IN KEEPING SECRETS OF SILENT EARTH: 3 REVIEW
A one act play
CAST:
Sean Apartimus.....our humble narrator
Claudio.....our noble hero, leader of the clan Coheed
Will Writinpahpsung.....elvin, Coheedian clansman
King Concepticus......ruler of the kingdom Cambria, holder of the cherished concept album scroll
Bordalon Pretentious.....brother of King Concepticus, but he smells of foul intentious!
Boran Structuron.....the executioner, a dastardly fellow, and friend of Bordalon
Friar Tilont.....a wise man, adviser of the king, and friend to the clan Coheed
Emotyus.....once ruler of the kingdom Cambria, his dark kingdom was overthrown by Concepticus with the help of the clansmen Coheed, and he was banished to the Outlands.
Scene 1:
Deep in the woods of the kingdom Cambria, Claudio and his ilk of the clan Coheed are having a merry time. At the camp of clan Coheed, the joyous fellows are drinking ale, singing melodies, having a gay time. Claudio and his good fellow Will, however, are not of the standard clansman variety. They are endowed with the powers of Merlin and the finest swordsmanship in all the land.
Claudio: Hehehe shabutie!
Will: Oh Claudio, what a day it is to be a clansman Coheed!
Claudio: Oh, but not is it? Perhaps we should advance further into the woods and eat of the berries!
Will: I agree!
Assorted clansmen in unison: Yay hey ho!
Suddenly, a boisterous boom echoes from the direction of Castle Cambria. A sound which Claudio, Will, and the clansmen simply can't ignore.
Will: That sound came from the castle!
Clansman 1: It appears as if the castle is in a flurry of flame and smoke!
Claudio: We must help! To town!
Claudio and his fellows mount their noble steeds and head into town, with only the best intentions.
Scene 2:
The clansman Coheed reach the town square, the peasants are in a panic and running from the city. Suddenly, Friar Tilont emerges from the church, calling out to Claudio.
Friar: Claudio, good sir! Claudio, good sir!
Claudio: Of what is this ruckus?!
Friar: They are going to kill the king and take the thrown, I say!
Claudio: Who?
Friar: Why, Bordalon Pretentious and Boran Structuron! It is clear that the scoundrels two have been plotting against his lordship Concepticus for many days and many nights! Only you can stop them Claudio!
Claudio: Why do you say only I?
Friar: This is a matter for private speak!
Claudio looks towards Will Writinpahpsung, Will nods.
Will: Clansmen, ho!
Will and the clansmen scurry to the well to retrieve their rations of water, expecting a fierce battle to come. Claudio and Friar Tilont head towards the church.
Scene 3:
Inside the church, the Friar drinks of some wine. He holds the grail towards Claudio, offering, but Claudio refuses.
Claudio: Now, what matter is so pressing we must speak away from listening ears?
Friar: I must tell you of your destiny. Every generation, one fellow is chosen as the hero that must quest for the concept album scroll. You are the hero of the scroll for this generation, Claudio. Through the ages, the heroes of the scroll have defended its power from evil forces, and then they read from the scroll. A light of accomplishment and knowledge follows that being for the rest of his days. You are now being called upon.
Claudio: Well, then, I must protect the scroll from the scoundrels two!
Claudio opens the church doors. Will and the clansmen Coheed are already outside waiting for him. Claudio mounts his steed, and the merry fellows ride towards the Castle Cambria.
Scene 4:
Claudio, Will, and the clansmen Coheed burts through the castle doors. Bordalon Pretentious and Boran Structuron are awaiting their arrival.
Bordalon: Foolish Coheeds, you will now feel the wrath of Emotyus!
Before that statement is allowed to be given any thought, Bordalon and Boran retrieve their swords and kill the clansmen Coheed, all but Claudio and Will, with but a few swings of their swords. Claudio pulls out his sword and begins to fight with Bordalon, Will wields his weapon and respectively faces Boran. Boran Structuron casts a spell of the Crowing upon Will, and Will is sent into a deep sleep. Boran then turns to Claudio and Bordalon, and joins in, causing our hero to be outnumbered. Bordalon lifts his sword, brings it down with great might, severing Claudio's arm from his body. At this time, Will manages to waken from his slumber, and casts a spell of Favor House Atlantic upon Boran. A peculiar field of blue light begins to emit from Structuron's bellows, and the fellow disintegrates. Will Writinpahpsung turns around in victory, only to be met with the sword of Bordalon Pretentious, removing much of his upperhalf, killing him. A one-armed Claudio reacts with anger, calling upon the spirits of the Blood Red Summer. A read dust appears and encircles Bordalon, it enters his body through his mouth and nose, and Pretentious begins to decay at a great rate, and he falls over, dead.
Claudio: I was told to quest for the scroll, and I have accomplished!
Claudio opens the doors to the throneroom. He looks up to see King Concepticus frozen like a statute, the evil Emotyus standing before him. Emotyus stares at Claudio's missing arm.
Emotyus: It appears as if you've given up the ghost, my good friend!
Emotyus holds up the concept album scroll, Claudio eyes it anxiously. Emotyus raises his other hand, points at the scroll and it turns into mere ash. Claudio screams in anguish and charges at Emotyus. Right before he was to impale the evil sorceror with his sword, Emotyus dissapears and reappears a few feet away. He then points his destructive finger at the frozen King, and the sculpture that was once the ruler of the Kingdom Cambria explodes into small bits. Claudio, now realizing he has failed, begins to lose hope. Then, in one instant, he musters up enough courage and strength to hold his sword in the air, pull it back, then throw it with all his might towards Emotyus. Before Emotyus has time to react, the sword pierces his chest, and he explodes in a burst of red light.
Epilogue
Sean Apartimus: Claudio leaves the battle a failure, but also a victor. Though he brought along his friend Will Writinpahpsung and his noble clansmen, only to have them slaughtered by Bordalon Pretentious and Boran Structuron, their presence was undeniably felt. He also was unable to complete his quest for the sacred concept album scroll, failing to acquire the knowledge it offered and also lost the life of King Concepticus. However, Claudio still was able to vanquish Emotyus, and leave the battle alive. Much of the good was destroyed by the evil here, today, but we have learned that in these stories, the good and their intentions the same do not always achieve complete victory, and sometimes have to settle with the thought that they made it out alive.
