When reviewing an album, it can be difficult to summarize thoughts and feeling elicited from the music youre listening to, to organize these thoughts and feelings in written prose succinctly, honestly, and, above all, professionally. Using these guidelines as my template, I can say with all sincerity, fuck me running, this group is terrible.
Creature Feature is the brainchild of two dudes who, I would bet my bottom dollar still live in their parents basement. What they attempt to create is, according to their bio, a band that forces you remember why you used to sleep with the lights on, a band that becomes the perfect merger of music and film.
Sweet Jesus, what a crock of shit. What they in fact, deliver is music thats not scary, fun, or clever. The Greatest Show Unearthed boasts songs like Aim for the Head, Buried Alive, (unfortunately not a Venom cover, though I shudder to think what these clowns version would sound like), and A Corpse in My Bed. Never before have a guitar and synth duo sounded more like a guitar and synth duo. Oh wait theres sampling. Sampled drums, that is. Courtesy of what can only be described as a Roland TR-808 knock-off. Perfect if youre in a Sugarhill Gang tribute band, not so much a horror pop group. So we put this all together with a Tom DeLonge wannabe vocalist and poorly recreated (oh, Casio is there anything you cant do?) Theremin sounds. Not spooky enough? Wait theres more! You get really cool artwork that may or not be stolen from the EGreetings.com Halloween collection.
To their credit, they seem to like horror movies. To their detriment, they make liking horror movies seem really, really gay. Horror themed music can be done to great effect, whether its horror-punk (Misfits), horror-metal (Rob Zombie, old Marilyn Manson), or horror-pop (the uh Horrorpops). The only scary thing about Creature Feature is that they actually seem to have a fanbase that likes this circus-y horror dreck that isnt even good accidentally. If it were sent to Blender Magazine, it would, most assuredly make their Albums We Didnt Even Open list. But I made the ultimate sacrifice and opened it for you our dear readers so you wouldnt have to be subjected to the lameness contained therein. No, no no thanks are necessary. I know youd do the same for me. All I ask is that you listen to me and heed these preceding words and run far away from this shitty, shitty album.
0.7 / 10
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