Reviews Neshamah Communicating in Heartbeats

Neshamah

Communicating in Heartbeats

If you ask me, there's no musical genre more ripe to be picked from the tree of potential and placed into the basket of commercial acceptance than South African Christian Hardcore (SACH). Yes, a bold and untapped market is just waiting for us to shell out our Krugerrands and spread the joys of Jesus.

What's that you say? You're not ready to be inundated er... blessed with the Holy Spirit? Relax, heathen - it's hardcore. You can't tell what the heck they're singing about anyway. Pretend its Satan.

From the first notes of "Communication Beating", you know Neshamah aren't Stryper. The only problem is, halfway through the album you almost wish they were. Okay, scratch that. You still don't. But what you will wish for is something more interesting than Communicating in Heartbeats, the first full-length album from the band and the worst album title in hardcore history.

I'm not going to waste your time and mine by giving you a history of the band, because it just isn't worth it. Having them hailing from South Africa had me intrigued, I'll admit. After all, those South Africans from Lethal Weapon 2 were pretty badass, but can they rock? The sad fact my friends, when you play this type of pedestrian scream-by-numbers banality, it just doesn't matter where you're from. Boring is boring is boring. Apartheid shouldn't have been about color. It should have been about segregation against boring-ass bands.

Did I mention it's boring? No, it doesn't suck, it's boring. There's a difference. Sucking is better than boring - any band that elicits enough of a reaction in someone to cry out "This sucks!" was at least unique enough to do so. When there's nothing unique or memorable about the songwriting, musicianship, or vocals, you have a shitty album. Did I say boring? I meant shitty. They're so boring they're shitty.

I'm getting madder now as I type this, because I've gone on at length about a band I started out by saying they weren't worth my time to do so in the first place. Devious bastards. Believe it or not, I really tried to find something positive to say about this album, but darned if I couldn't find a goddamn thing. Speaking of which, I bumped into Jesus at the Piggly Wiggly and brought him home for a listen to the album. He was flattered with the liner notes, but that was about it. Before he fell asleep, he mentioned something about the bassist being a hottie. So remember, folks, when you're at your local independent retailer looking for albums, just ask yourself, WWJD? Buy something else.

3.2 / 10Kevin Fitzpatrick
Advertisement
VEGAS - Not Ever banner
Leave a comment

3.2 / 10

3.2 / 10

Share this content
Advertisement
KFAI - Root Of All Evil
Recent reviews

King Buzzo w/ Trevor Dunn

Gift of Sacrifice

8.5 / 10 King Buzzo w/ Trevor Dunn - Gift of Sacrifice album cover

Simon and Garfunkel.Seals and Crofts.Hall and Oates.Captain and Tennille.Some artists just go together. Sure, they might make music on their own. But once they find their “other”, their “person” - ...

Chain Whip

14 Lashes

8.4 / 10 Chain Whip - 14 Lashes  album cover

This is the kind of hardcore that makes my throat hurt just listening. It’s also the kind of hardcore where I can’t sit still while listening, even when tethered to ...

Old Ghosts

Crow

7.0 / 10 Old Ghosts - Crow album cover

These last few weeks I've started to notice that the creases in my forehead are deepening. It's a subtle change to my face, but it's progressively becoming more noticeable. My ...

x

Logo

Looking for the SPB logo? You can download it in a range of styles and colours here:

Click anywhere outside this dialog to close it, or press escape.