Okay, okay, half of the band has been dead for decades. I realise that a band solely comprising the rhythm section is only interesting to fans of Death from Above 1979, but I think there's something we can do here.

George Harrison, for example, went to his grave as a believer in transcendental meditation. What if—unbeknownst to Beatles fans—he was able to reincarnate himself at will, ideally into the body of someone who was really good at playing heartfelt slide guitar licks and singing in a nasal Liverpool accent? We have to at least consider the possibility.

As for John Lennon: surely Peter Jackson, with all his Tolkien-inspired wizardry, is able to reconstitute John, Gollum-like, from the hours of footage still locked in the vault from the ill-fated Let It Be sessions? They could probably rope in a lookalike to crawl around a soundstage in a onesie while the cameras convert their movement into the rhythm guitar and yowls of Lennon at his prime?

Once those minor spiritual/technical hurdles are overcome, it's simply a matter of persuading Paul McCartney to stop performing Hey Jude for minor celebrations of the British aristocracy, and for someone to tell Ringo that if holds up a quick peace sign and pretends to drum for 20 minutes, he'll make a billion dollars. And me? I'll be on the front of the barriers, loving every stupid minute of it.

On the other hand: we could just persuade some of their sons (pictured) to get together and play a tribute concert, which would in no way insult the memories of their more talented/handsome fathers.

I'm bold enough to have asked Ian MacKaye himself about the possibility of a Fugazi reunion, so don't tell me the odds (or the Evens): I already know it's basically never going to happen.

And yet: maybe it could? There's almost no evidence to support this except for the fact that all four band members are still around and making art/music of some kind. And there's an argument that the state of politics, society, technology and the environment are all factors that are crying out for an informed, barbed criticism by the DC pioneers. But again... it's a pipe dream.

Nobody is going to be dumb enough to offer Ian, Guy, Joe and Brendan money to reunite, because that would be gross. But maybe circumstance could lead to a one-off tribute performance, perhaps for some important fundraising goal or other landmark event? A punk can hope. 

I love Weezer. The Blue album is on constant rotation and some of the later albums occasionally make the cut too. But this is a band who do not know when to quit. So let me tell them: now.

Take Black Sabbath's recent example: do a final show, ideally soon, and then... stop making new music. We've got it from here, guys. There's more than enough out there, including a Toto tribute album, probably, some kind of guest spot with Lil Wayne and—I imagine—a version of Pinkerton where every song is played on a kazoo or something. Always leave 'em wanting less, right?