Top 5 Things That Didn't
Suck (For Some) in 2006
Quick links: Top 5 DVDs | Most Anticipated Albums of 2007 | Reasons The Fresh Prince was awesome | Top 5 Singles | Big Comebacks of 2006 | Top 5 Shows | Top 5 Things That Sucked | Top 5 Things That Ruled | Noteworthy Songs | Top Reissues | Reasons the BBC Is Killing UK Music | Top 5 Vinyl-Only Releases | Worst Cover Art | Band Tour Stories
-
Snakes on a Plane: The Movie
-
Cobra Starship - Snakes on a Plane (Bring It)
-
Nintendo Wii
-
Snakes on a Plane: The Hype
-
The Deaths of Augusto Pinochet and Pauline Fowler
"Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"
"Who's your daddy now, bitch?"
"Great, snakes on crack"
"One of those slimy pieces of shit trip a circuit, hydraulic or a relay, and pretty soon we'll go down faster than a Thai hooker!"
Not to mention the sex scene, the scene in the bathroom, the uber-snake, and Kenan Thompson not being annoying for once. Essentially, the greatest bad movie ever made. Yes, even better than Ninja Terminator. You owe it to yourself, nay, you owe it to the world to see this movie. Something that the NME will undoubtedly be dumbfounded by, as it actually lives up to the hype.
New Line Cinema: We salute you.
David R. Ellis: We salute you too.
Samuel L. Jackson: We motherfucking salute you as well.
And last, but by no means l33tâ?¦ uh, I mean, leastâ?¦ fellow nerds, geeks and general web-hounds, plus the occasional normal person that somehow slipped through the cracks: We salute you too.
It's a rare thing when - and I use this term lightly - genius collides in such a fashion. Upon hearing of Snakes on a Plane, Gabe Saporta (formerly of Midtown), and a few more of his Fueled by Ramen chums somehow managed to finagle their way onto the Snakes on a Plane soundtrack. And I don't care how many virgins they had to sacrifice to do it, because I'll be fucked if this isn't one of the songs of the year. As cheesy and ridiculously over the top as the movie, this dangerously likeable pop-soul-dance-rock masterpiece, resplendent with Sam Jackson samples, hasn't left the little space it carved in my head since the day I heard it. Coupled with a fantastic video with a cameo from the great Mr. Jackson himself, and you have yourself an unstoppable, serpentine beast. And no, I don't mean that big, fuck-off snake from the movie.
Okay, I'll admit that the closest I've gotten to actually playing with a Wii is uhâ?¦ well, my younger brother has a DS. I've played that a bit. It has a touch screen, you know!
But 2006 has undoubtedly been the year of the Wii. Fat nerds everywhere rejoiced when they heard that, not only could they enjoy playing innovative new games that don't involve a silent protagonist, a first person viewpoint and the inevitably over-powered rocket launcher, but that they could actually get some exercise while doing so! Couple this with the fact that more accessible games means that more girls are likely to take up gaming as a hobby - well, I'll let the millions of pairs of soiled briefs speak for themselves. And that's before you get to the retro-emulation of Nintendo's previous consoles. No more worries about having to blow dust out of your old Super Mario World cartridge!
Although, please - for the love of all that is sweet and good, make sure that the Wiimote is attached firmly to your wrist at all times. Innocent TVs and other breakables should not have to suffer for retarded gamers' mistakes.
Aha! Intrigue! It made it onto both lists!? "Madness!" I hear you cry. Well, maybe it is. But it isn't without its merit, for without the hype, it's unlikely that Snakes on a Plane would have morphed into what it finally became. We'd have certainly been a few "I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"s short of a bushel, that's for sure. Not to mention the copious amounts of hilarious spoof sequels and trailers.
Ok, I'm not really one to rejoice over people dying. Shit's not cool. But I doubt that there are too many people around the world shedding tears for this guy. Unless you happen to be one of his supporters, or Margaret Thatcher. Again, without wishing to sound too callous, I was a bit miffed when rumors of Maggie being consumed by her own venomous stomach acid turned out to be false. Oh well.
As for Pauline Fowler? Non-UK readers without a penchant for terrible soaps may not understand, but for those who will, I'm certainly not sorry to see that leather-faced old prune vacate the Eastenders set, permanently. Although, I was disappointed when the much hyped hip-hop rendition of "Ding Dong! The Witch is Dead", as performed by Sonia Jackson, never materialized. If ever there was a way to ensure the Christmas Day TV ratings, it'd be that. Shame on you, Eastenders script writers. Shame on you.
(Marc)
