Abe Brennan (Dead Pioneers)
SPB: How many Nazi teeth do you think you could knock out in a single punch?
Brennan: Hi, Chuck, nice to hear from you, and thank you for the opportunity to discuss the dislodging of Nazi teeth. I appreciate it.
So knocking Nazi -- or any -- teeth out of someone’s head is, of course, possible, but as to how many could be dislodged? Well, that depends on certain factors. For one, the force and angle of attack. For two, whether or not the Nazi has their jaw open or closed. For three, what is doing the striking? You specified punch, but I submit that, were I to try and knock some Nazi teeth out of some Nazi’s head, it could also be a foot, knee, or elbow that does the knocking. We’ll consider all four strikes.
Obviously, regardless of attack technique, the higher the level of force, the more damage, so let’s assume a good, significant strike -- not the end-all-be-all of strikes, but a solid, hard blow.
Less obviously, the angle of attack could provide a variance in teeth-out-by-strike so, for simplicity’s sake, let’s just say the blow is straight on, rather than coming at an angle from either above or below the mouth. (From the side is okay -- for example, a hook -- so long as it’s delivered on the same plane as a straight-on strike to the front teeth).
If the Nazi is prepared for the strike, it’s likely his (or her, but, for decorum and decency, if I’m doing the striking, let’s assume a male antagonist) teeth could be clenched in anticipation of being struck. That makes them harder to dislodge -- but let’s give the Nazi the benefit of the doubt in this narrow area: he is aware a strike may be coming, and he is at least somewhat prepared.
Finally, the weapon. A punch can send teeth sailing, as evidenced by the Dead Pioneers “Nazi Teeth” single’s artwork but, in my estimation, even though it’s probably the easiest to deliver for most people, this isn’t the strike to choose if we’re hoping for maximum damage.
So let’s consider the other options.
A kick to the mouth has potential, but that means you need to be able to kick a man in the head, flexibility-wise -- which I can (if he’s 6’ or shorter) -- and you have to be accurate -- which is an iffier proposition. Additional factors include what part of the foot are you using? A front kick to the face which, if done correctly, would utilize the ball of the foot? A roundhouse kick, striking with either the ball or top of the foot from the side? A spinning back kick, landing with the heel? This last has the most potential for damage, but if your express intention is to knock out teeth, any of these kicks are lower percentage than other strikes.
A knee can cause significant damage, but how to deliver it? You could try to clinch with the Nazi, lock your hands behind his head and pull down as you raise your knee into his face -- this has the potential to do devastating damage, but the degree of difficulty of execution increases if you’re having to perform additional techniques -- such as a clinch -- to deliver the one you want. You could also try a flying (or jump) knee, like the one Cory Sandhagen used to knock out Frankie Edgar in 2021, but unless you’re a skilled martial artist this has scant chance of success.
Which brings us to the elbow, a favorite technique of Muay Thai and some MMA fighters (although not allowed in kickboxing). This is the type of attack I’d be keen to try, because it’s a compact but devastating blow. It’s also one that many don’t anticipate unless they’re a fan or practitioner of the martial arts. The only caveat I’d mention is that one has to be in close to deliver an elbow strike. So if it’s a huge Nazi -- either corpulent OR ripped -- you’d run the risk of being grabbed and grappled or squeezed, which could prove troublesome. But, all things being equal, that’s the one I’d go for. As to how many teeth? I’d say between one and three, if landed well.
