I stole the idea for this dish from my favorite restaurant in the world, Mr. Chopsticks in Denton, Texas. However, it has recently come to my attention that many of you do not live in North Texas, and that others don’t appreciate food being served by disinterested art students with beards and without bras. None of the waitstaff could tell me the ingredients in this dish because they are all too busy snorting lines off of Devendra Banhart cds, so I was left to fend for myself. This is my interpretation of “Spicy Mixed Vegetables with Tofu.” Now that I’ve typed it out, that title sucks. Henceforth, this dish shall be called “Boy Division,” and it is taken from my upcoming cookbook Are You There God? It’s Me, Television’s Jerry O’Connell. Now, to whip up a batch of “Boy Division,” this is what you will need: 1 Block of Extra Firm Tofu 3 Heads (Stalks? Bunches?) of Baby Bok Choy 1 Can of Sliced Water Chestnuts 1 Can of Sliced Bamboo Shoots 2 Large Bunches of Broccoli 16 Ounce Carton of Sliced Button Mushrooms 1 Cup Shredded Carrot 1 Tablespoon Vegetable Oil 6 or 7 Whole Dried Chilis 1 Cup Vegetable Broth 1/4 Cup Soy Sauce 1 Tablespoon Turbinado Sugar 1 Tablespoon Cornstarch 1/2 Cup Water A Dash of Teriyaki 1 Tablespoon of Minced Garlic I know, there are a ton of ingredients. To make things easier, I’m going to split this into three operations. First, let’s talk tofu: The … Read more
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